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Filthy Punts WE DID IT!

We finally went a Thursday without having to embarrass ourselves on the field. So in true Punt fashion we decided to embarrass ourselves off the field. The usual pre-game party at Aberdeen turned into a rather drunk game-postponed victory party. People still fell, Shawn still screamed, Cowen coached our eating, and we all swore at any passerby out of respect for Cat. All in all it was very similar to playing... just fewer balls were kicked.

Good job Punts, you worked hard for this victory.

Oh, and we didn’t go to Nick’s. Next week though. We swear we might consider going next week.

P.S. Only 4 people signed up. We know it was raining and all but, really? REALLY? We get it, we’re the non-conformist kickball team... We can’t kick. We can’t throw. We can’t run. But can’t we all care... just a little? For the children.

Next game is Thursday 10/20 against You My Boy Blue, 7:15 p.m. at Eckhart Park.

Filthy Punts Victim of Cyber-bullying

Lacking skill and ambition, the Filthy Punts failed to deliver yet again. And as the season drags on, we’ve progressively gotten worse... or as we like to say, “careless and emotionally removed.”

Even though we still lack a W, there have been some notable developments in game strategy. Namely, trickery. Clearly our athletic skills are not superior, but we’ve discovered that in this league our brains are. This was realized when, in a stroke of genius, Adam started pitching painfully slow. Apparently the Achilles’ heel of every “real” kickball team is a ball traveling not so slow as to go unnoticed, but not so fast as to be a real threat. It threw everyone off and there were a lot of strikeouts and pop flies.

Then, Patrick decided to give them the ol’ Filthy Punts switch-a-roo. He asked Jessica to line up at home plate, but instead had Shawn come screaming out of nowhere and blast the ball right in their faces. This tactic resulted in a whopping 3 runs. And even though they already had 8, it felt good to know we could get by with shameless cheating.

After our defeat we gathered in the traditional Filthy Punts huddle, sang the Filthy Punts chant (have you heard it?), and had a serious discussion about which bar we should meet at. As you may have heard, tensions are high about the Filthy Punts not showing up at Nick’s Beergarden. Some teams say we’re snobs with impeccably designed t-shirts. Others think we’re antisocial nerds. It’s all true, but the drama has spread to the Filthy Punts’ Twitter account. YES, TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/FilthyPunts

So even though none of us really want to, we’re going to bite the bullet (and maybe some opponents) and head over to Nick’s after this week’s game. Won’t you join and help us teach those cyber-bullies a few lessons in proper social media etiquette?

Next game is this Thursday against Turbo Dogs, 6:30 p.m. at Eckhart Park.

Forfeit, Not Failure

Jessica was devastated. Jeremy wept openly.

Yet, in true Filthy Punts form, the game went on! Sort of. The Friendship Factory (true to name) offered beers and a chance to kick the ol’ ball around just for fun. Apparently it’s called “scrimmaging.” So really, in the end, we were all winners…except we weren’t. Because we forfeit. Hey, it’s fine! Forfeiting does not equate to true failure. It equates to irresponsibility and laziness. And we’re cool with that. Just look at us.

A big “go sports!” to Stuart and Shawn for taking one for the team and reffing the following game. Next time you’ll learn to leave the field faster. And, drama alert: we totally got called-out on never attending the league’s traditional post-game shindig. Oh well, Filthy Punts. At least we fueled the gossip flame by ditching out on the mid-season party, too!

The next public display of incompetence is this week against Pitch Please!, 7:15 p.m. at Churchill Park. We’d <3 to see you.

Now in the words of our illustrious leader Matt Cowen, “Game’s over. Let’s get drunk.” Very inspiring, and possibly indicative of a problem...

Lackluster Performance Prompts Short Blog Post

In a miraculous display of sportsmanship—or company-wide exhaustion and illness—the Filthy Punts were defeated yet again. Luckily, Jeremy was able to capture our mediocrity for all you DKers who refuse to spectate our shortcomings.

We suppose you’ll just have to enjoy this humorous summary of failures via photograph.

Better luck this week when we take on The Friendship Factory at Churchill Park on Thursday, 6:30 p.m. sharp.

Massacre at Churchill Park

Yes, this recap is late. It has taken us this long to recover from the shock. Nay, the HUMILIATION of last week. It started off so promising, too. But alas, Filthy Punts’ second game of the season resulted in the second loss of the season. We’re trending.

A dirge...

The night was filled with glee and cheer
As we went to Aberdeen to drink some beer
Our numbers were small but our spirits high
As we laughed and joked – CBR surely would die.

At the park we readied and lined up one by one
The Seans intimidating others as they shotgun
With a WHIZ and a BANG the pitches flew by
It made Regan fall over, no one knows why.

In the 3rd came Shawn and we got a kick
But he got too excited and ran too quick
Nearing 1st we yelled “stop!,” but he charged on
When he fell in the outfield we knew they had won.

At Churchill Park, you can still hear, they say
Faint crying and cursing from that fateful day
Even though it was a slaughter and punters did die
It was worth hearing Manion finally confirm… he IS a frat guy.

Better luck next week when we take on The Friendship Factory at Churchill Park on Thursday, 6:30 p.m. sharp. See you there?

Filthy Punts' First Game of the Season Results in First Loss of the Season

Last Thursday, we the Filthy Punts, Designkitchen’s premiere kickball team, played our first game for the WAKA kickball league against Bender Rehab at Chicago’s Eckhart Park.

Naturally, we wo — we lost. But it was a brilliant performance considering we clocked in zero practice time, are largely unathletic and spent the preceding two hours imbibing at Aberdeen Tap.

The loss could have been anyone’s fault. But let’s point fingers. Rachel Zinaman’s vulgar smack talk got us off on the wrong foot — who knew she was so ferocious. Her fiancé’s polite pitching skills didn’t help either. Come on Adam, this is a competition! Give ‘em the heater! Also there was a lot of rain, mud and vodka-soaked gummy worms, courtesy of Barbara Luciani — but half of college sports are fueled by the same, so we’ll keep blaming Rachel and Adam.

A few officially unofficial awards…

Jeremy Mlodik wins the Fastest Punter Award. His secret: unnecessarily skinny jeans. (Honestly, the kid can hardly breathe, but lube him up with some PBR and he runs like the wind. A thin, blue, denim wind.)

Brandon Oxendine wins Most Unnecessary Display of Athleticism Award. We’ll spare the details. Suffice it to say there was mud everywhere. Everywhere. We appreciate the effort Brandon, but relax. We need all the designers we can get.

Patrick McDonald wins Season Show-Off Award. Sure we’re only one game deep, but when you’re 11 feet tall, you might as well call it early.

Jessica Price wins Female All-Star Award. It almost went to Cat but then we remembered Jessica actually did stuff instead of flounce around — including throwing elbows and overall field domination.

JT Helms wins the Best Intentions Award. When we suggested a company sport JT was ALL OVER IT. He’s probably never been more excited in his life. But no one mentioned the possibility of rain. He loves competition… but not in dark-rinse jeans.

Matt Cowen wins Most Unexpected Display of Normalcy Award. As the team coach (which was decided here, just now) mixing competition, beer and an unruly crowd of near teenagers you would expect funny and weird outbursts of gibberish and swearing. But Matt, you kept it together. Mazel tov!

So congratulations Punters, we didn’t totally suck! Better luck this week when we take on CBR at Churchill Park on Thursday, 8:00 PM sharp. Be there. Bring beer.