Filthy Punts' First Game of the Season Results in First Loss of the Season
Last Thursday, we the Filthy Punts, Designkitchen’s premiere kickball team, played our first game for the WAKA kickball league against Bender Rehab at Chicago’s Eckhart Park.
Naturally, we wo — we lost. But it was a brilliant performance considering we clocked in zero practice time, are largely unathletic and spent the preceding two hours imbibing at Aberdeen Tap.
The loss could have been anyone’s fault. But let’s point fingers. Rachel Zinaman’s vulgar smack talk got us off on the wrong foot — who knew she was so ferocious. Her fiancé’s polite pitching skills didn’t help either. Come on Adam, this is a competition! Give ‘em the heater! Also there was a lot of rain, mud and vodka-soaked gummy worms, courtesy of Barbara Luciani — but half of college sports are fueled by the same, so we’ll keep blaming Rachel and Adam.
A few officially unofficial awards…
Jeremy Mlodik wins the Fastest Punter Award. His secret: unnecessarily skinny jeans. (Honestly, the kid can hardly breathe, but lube him up with some PBR and he runs like the wind. A thin, blue, denim wind.)
Brandon Oxendine wins Most Unnecessary Display of Athleticism Award. We’ll spare the details. Suffice it to say there was mud everywhere. Everywhere. We appreciate the effort Brandon, but relax. We need all the designers we can get.
Patrick McDonald wins Season Show-Off Award. Sure we’re only one game deep, but when you’re 11 feet tall, you might as well call it early.
Jessica Price wins Female All-Star Award. It almost went to Cat but then we remembered Jessica actually did stuff instead of flounce around — including throwing elbows and overall field domination.
JT Helms wins the Best Intentions Award. When we suggested a company sport JT was ALL OVER IT. He’s probably never been more excited in his life. But no one mentioned the possibility of rain. He loves competition… but not in dark-rinse jeans.
Matt Cowen wins Most Unexpected Display of Normalcy Award. As the team coach (which was decided here, just now) mixing competition, beer and an unruly crowd of near teenagers you would expect funny and weird outbursts of gibberish and swearing. But Matt, you kept it together. Mazel tov!
So congratulations Punters, we didn’t totally suck! Better luck this week when we take on CBR at Churchill Park on Thursday, 8:00 PM sharp. Be there. Bring beer.
